I did ok until the doctor came into the room to tell me there wasn't anything I could have done to prevent it. He was so kind and understanding. Offered me drugs for the pain and such.

"It" was supposed to be the punctuation to our family. The exclamation point.

Now I just have a big question mark and a whole lot of tears.

I lost my baby.

Worked Up Feeling

I have been feeling overwhelmed and anxious the past week or so. I'm not sure why. Part of me wonders if it is the pregnancy, just my body adjusting to what is going on.

But a little part of me worries that it's that impending doom feeling.

I don't know what is going on.

But now I sit an watch our President address Congress. I think this will make me feel much better. :)

Seriously though, what the hell is Nancy Pelosi wearing? My beloved says that it's a Snuggie. I think I just peed a little in my pants.

Floaters

So I found this weird widget for counting down the pregnancy that looks like the baby is floating in a bubble.

It lets you input how many fetuses (feti?) you are expecting and then it puts them all in the bubble. I said 32, 10, 800 and 2.

Really there's just one. Well, that's what I expect. But we'll deal with that bridge when we come to it.

Right now my fetus looks like a strange adaptation of a parasite and a tumor and it keeps bouncing off the bottom of the bubble like it has just forgotten how to swim or someone accidentally dropped it.

It's oddly fascinating and slightly disturbing. And I am completely mesmerized by it right now.

I started a whiny, bitchy post, but realized that it didn't really make me feel any better. So I deleted it.

It's Monday, which means it's me and the kiddos all day and half the night while my beloved is off at work and then at class. The good news is he will bring me home some fattening, greasy food. So I guess it makes it all worth it.

Today we created the solar system in our hallway. Now my daughter is creating a puppet show, complete with a script that she is having me type up, that she will present to her daddy in a couple of days. Once she finishes the script, I'll post a couple of the good lines here because she always comes up with the greatest stuff.

I took some pictures of the planets, but they turned out rather badly. It is very cool to look down the hall and see our representations of the Sun, Jupiter, the Asteroid Belt, etc.

Now, I must go rest. The one thing I have noticed about this pregnancy is that it is totally exhausting. I don't remember being this tired the first two times. I slept for 16 hours Sunday. SIXTEEN. That is ridiculous. Even had to miss a Girl Scout event with my daughter because I just couldn't do it. Dang.

I did make cookies with her last night, so hopefully that made up for it! :)

So much to say

First, keep this little boy in your thoughts. If you know me, you could understand why little Gavin and his big sister Madison have captured my heart. They are going through such a difficult time right now and my heart breaks for them.

Second, and quite excitedly, I announce the arrival of this:

Isn't it the most beautiful bag ever? I swear it is beyond my wildest dreams! If you want one of your own, visit Heather Fish. She has the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful homemade items!

I don't think I can gush any more about it without becoming extraordinarily annoying!

Even more wonderful, when you make a purchase between now and October 31, 10% of sales are being donated in support of breast cancer research.

And to my surprise, she even threw in this awesome matching tote (on the right). I can fit my pain reliever, chapstick, lotion, tissues and epi-pen in there. It's awesome!



But wait! There's more!

While I was very, very, very excited about my little arrival...















Nothing can top the little arrival we are expecting on October 23...

(Yippy!)

Giveaway!

The Crafty Crow is offering a wonderful giveaway for a $35 gift certificate to Imagine Childhood. They have some wonderful and amazing things there! Here is an excerpt from her blog on the details if you are interested:

"To enter, please visit Imagine Childhood and have
a look around, then come back here and leave your
favorite item in the comments. Also be sure to link
back to The Crafty Crow if you have a blog or website.
Comments will be closed at midnight PST on Saturday
February 21st and the winner will be announced on
Monday the 23rd."

The One Where You Think My House is Full of Pervs

We had quite the windstorm last night. Of course, being in this area, that meant we lost power.

My oldest slept right through it, which is not at all unusual. But my son woke up screaming like he was being attacked by a bunch of mutant, ninja 3-legged tigers.

When I finally stumbled my bubble butt down the hall to his room, he is MIA. Somehow in the 4 hours it took me to get to him, he had decided to stealthy maneuver his way into our room, into our bed.

At this point, it is a lost cause. Removal of this little being from our bed into his own is like trying to remove parasitic worm sacs from a grown man's brain (anyone see Gray's anatomy tonight?).

I got ready for bed in the near darkness and cuddled up with him. My husband came in and cuddled up on the other side.

My husband mentioned that our son could cuddle up with him instead of me, but he refused. And here is the conversation that took place when we prodded as to why he'd rather cuddle with me.

Me: Is it because mommy is softer?

Son: Noooooo. (insert precious giggle here)

Me: Is it because I'm warmer than Daddy?

Son: Noooooo. (insert even bigger giggle here)

Husband: Well, then what is it?

Son: She's sexy!

Insert my husband and I laughing our asses off here.

So yes, one day he's talking about his boy parts and the next he's apparently suffering from an Oedipus Complex.

And now that my very low readership has dropped by half, I bid you a good night!

I Made That

Often, my son freaks out if we happen to see him change or going potty (strange since bath time doesn't bother him and he doesn't seem to mind walking in on us while we are in the bathroom!)

I finally explained (in a very mature and civil manner, to be sure. Not!) that I made his 'stuff' and therefore, I have every right to see it.

Because he is very literal, this seemed to work.

Until tonight when he said to my husband "You can't be in the bathroom with me! I don't want you to see me!"

My husband responded that it was OK for daddy to see him, since he is daddy and was helping him get ready for bed. (We've had the "not-ok touching" talk with both children, but this was more of a "get over it dude! I'm just getting your tooth brush out" sort of thing.)

My son responds "But you didn't make my p3n1s!"

Monday Madness

(Taken during the ice storm 2 weeks ago. I'm not sure why, but blogger turned it sideways. The limb was pointing to the left, not up!)


It seems to me that Mondays are always the roughest day of the week.

We have a fairly light schedule on Mondays, but my husband is gone for long hours and it makes the day seem to drag on forever.

But I accomplished quite a bit:

• Laundry (Will it ever end?)
• Watched my friend's kids for several hours while she went to the doctor
• Made Valentines with said children, plus my own
• Called my phone company and chewed them out (always a good time)
• Tried to cancel an old account (and failed. FYI, I will not fax my drivers license to you for verification of my identity. Mmmmk?)
• Mailed 2 thank you notes, 3 birthday cards and a rebate form
• Balanced my check book
• Planned out the next 2 weeks expenses
• Called around for space for our homeschool group (Yes, we are not-for-profit. Duh!)
• Dealt with some Girl Scout stuff
• Played computer games with a handsome little guy (yep, he belongs to me!)
• Took one very cute little girl to violin lessons (yes, she belongs to me)
• Read a chapter in my book
• Dishes
• And now I am preparing to listen to President Obama address the nation (I can't wait!)

And you?

Sunday

I love long lazy days. I love the feeling of looking at the clock and knowing that I still have hours to do whatever I want.

Today I decided to grab my camera and take some pictures of what my family decided to do on their lazy Sunday.

My daughter decided to work on her Artist Trading Cards for this swap.

I try to find unique and exciting things for her to do that she otherwise may not be exposed.


She amazes me with her creativity. I gave her a few paints. She made shades and colors and beauty.

My husband and son spent their lazy day in a completely different, but no less creative and exciting way - Gaming!

My husband plays the games. Usually it's a superhero game or car racing/crashing game. My son doesn't play the video games, but he loves to watch them.
I could honestly see him becoming a video game creator when he grows up. He has amazing ability to recall tips and tricks his daddy has used, even though he himself has never played. Numbers and layouts are his specialty.

As for me, I worked on a tapestry for a little while. Then I played a game on my computer. Then I read a few chapters in a book.

An absolute perfect day.

Just a Picture

It was such a bright, sunny day here. Very cold. But still bright and sunny.

It made me think of the beach and sunshine. And color.

Stunned

This was one of those days.

I found out that my best friend has cancer.

I am shocked. It is highly treatable (dare I say curable), but still it was completely unexpected.

I have dealt with cancer in several people close to me in the recent years. The shock and numbness that comes with hearing of the diagnosis never fades.

I am looking forward to seeing this again..
Today I...

• Got up (Yes, that counts. It takes a lot for me to get out of bed every morning)
• Balanced the check book
• Got dressed (This counts too. Some days I don't bother.)
• Went grocery shopping
• Made lunch
• Did multiple loads of laundry (some day I'm going to do a post about laundry in my household.)
• Got the dish washer loaded, ran, emptied, reloaded and run again
• Cooked dinner
• Did math and science with my oldest
• Made brownies for my kids (OK, really I made them for me. But who's really paying that close attention?)
• Gave two baths
• Did some more laundry
• Took the dog out 5 or 6 times
• Washed my counters
• Cleaned out the refrigerator
• Took care of one busted lip that did NOT require stitches yesterday
• And probably much more that I just can't remember right now.

Now I am drinking a glass of wine.

So, what did you do today?

Cultural Awareness

Reading through my favorite blogs this morning, I was intrigued by this press release, referenced by The New Unschooler.

The quote she referenced hit a cord with me.

"It is vital for children educated in
homeschooling environments to be
exposed to different cultures and to
learn to accept people for who they are,
despite cultural differences."

I completely agree with her assessment of the press release, and I felt I had to add my own thoughts.

If my children went to public school they would spend their days with children just like them. White, middle-class, marginally privileged children.

If they went to the local private or parochial schools it would be even worse. More segregated. Less exposure to people different from themselves. I should know, I went to one of those parochial schools.

As I recall the information I learned about different cultures came from reading, documentaries, news programs and eventually, college courses.

Never was I required to take a class on cultures of the world. Teachers never had time to elaborate upon what little cultural information they gave.

Yet, my children, who are out in the world every day, learning from the world around them, are constantly subjected to new people, ideas and cultures.

I spend a great deal of my 'schooling' day (and a good bit of the 'rest of the day') explaining differences, discussing inequality and repression and teaching tolerance and respect.

Obviously, I agree with the press release in their assessment. Children do need exposure. Children need to learn about others.

I believe that their intentions were good. I understand what they were trying to impress upon readers. I think that it was just poorly worded and organizations attempting to cater to homeschoolers need to understand their audience a little better.

Rarely is it a homeschoolers intention to bring their child home to shelter or exclude them from real world learning. Rather, homeschooling is done in an attempt to expose our children to a broader range of lessons and realities.

Homeschooling does not mean schooling at home, as it once did. For most families, my own included, homeschooling means being educated outside of the classroom, in the world. What better way to learn about cultural tolerance than to actually participate in the world around us?

(It should go without saying that I have a great amount of respect for teachers and administrators in the school system. They do what they can, with the resources provided to them and within the context of what they are allowed to (and have the time to) teach.)

Flake

It amazes me that some-
thing this unique and perfect can wreak such havoc.

We were without power for several days a few months ago. Fortunately, it was in the 65-75 degree range and we were relatively comfortable.

However, there are thousands without power right now in our area and I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for them. It is so cold and dark. I hope that people have generators, family or friends to stay with, or the means to get to a hotel. Otherwise, it is going to be a brutal few days.

He loves the snow.

He also likes eating Barbie clothes.

I have taken to inspecting his poo to see what he has passed.

It's a gross job, but someone's gotta do it.

The Truth

My name is Melissa and these are all the things I wish I could tell people in my life:

1. Sometimes I am ashamed to admit my son's disabilities because he often seems so normal and I fear people think that I am just trying to get attention. But then there are other times when everything falls apart and I just want to cry for the life that my little boy will never have.

2. I can't discuss grown up topics (you know what I mean!) with my daughter without giggling. And neither can she. So I guess we're just two peas in a very immature pod!

3. We are trying to get pregnant again, despite the grief we know our friends and family will give us. We are meant to have children. This will be our last. I am so excited I can barely contain myself.

4. I fear I am drifting from my best friend and it is my fault. I know it is my fault. Our religious beliefs have come between us and I have a hard time dealing with her son. I guess sometimes the truth hurts.

5. I'm terrified of being so honest here, but I know it is what I need in my life right now.